I know this post may draw some controversy, but ever since I became engaged to Mike, it’s something I’ve put a lot of thought into. Since I’m getting married in two days, a post about what women should strive to be for their husbands seems to fit.
I will make no apologies for my beliefs on this matter, but I also do not mean to offend or upset. These are ideals I have set for myself, but I believe most marriages would benefit if a wife chose to pursue them. And before the feminists come and slander my name, I’d like to say that this doesn’t mean that husbands should not also strive for a certain set of ideals, many of which match the ones I’ve listed here. I’m not saying women should bow down before their man and let him rule the roost as he pleases. I am saying that no matter what you believe, many of these attitudes have proven to be an excellent foundation for a solid and long-lasting marriage throughout the span of time.
Now that we’ve cleared that up, here are 25 things I will strive to be for my husband.
1. A best friend.
If you are not your husband’s truest friend, there’s a problem. I believe a solid marriage is built on true friendship. I’m not saying you have to replace his “bros”, but you definitely need to be on a deeper level with each other.
2. An encourager.
Believe it or not, even the quietest of guys have dreams. You’ll find that once you’re married, you become his biggest fan and encourager. No matter how silly his ideas may sound to you, remember that your encouragement may be the only thing propelling him to pursue his dreams, and one wrong move could break his spirit.
3. A supporter.
Like an encourager, I believe you must support your husband through the good and bad times. Since Mike and I started our relationship, there have been times I wanted to yell, scream, and blame him for things. But what good would that do? We have to support each other when things go awry or get stressful.
4. A lover.
If you’re anything like me (an introvert), there will be times when you don’t want any human contact. You won’t want to talk, listen, cuddle, snuggle, or have sex. However, a huge part of marriage is physical and emotional intimacy. I am making it a goal to show love to my husband at all times, even when I may not be feeling the vibe.
5. A cook.
I know that not all women have a knack for cooking, but few things make a guy more proud than a lady who cooks for him. If you can catch a man who cooks well, good for you! You can share the duty, but sometimes, it’s just not possible and the cooking will be left to you. I don’t want to ever be a woman who resorts to fast food and restaurant dinners every single night because I “just don’t feel like it.”
6. A housekeeper.
If being a housekeeper makes you mad, grow the f*** up. You would clean and do your own laundry if living alone, so why not clean for the love of your life? That doesn’t mean he is exempt from cleaning, it just means you should also clean! I enjoy keeping house, so this isn’t a big deal for me, but some women get so hung up on this part of marriage. Cleaning is everyone’s job, so just do it.
7. A confidante.
In marriage, you want to be the first person your husband goes to when something happens in his life. He should be able to go to you without fear and know that you will be ready and willing to listen. I struggle with this because I am quick to criticize. I am going to work harder to be a better confidante to Mike so our relationship can continue to grow and strengthen with time.
8. A partner-in-crime.
You know those little inside jokes the two of you have? The secret getaways you plan? If you want a strong relationship, try to be his partner-in-crime. I mean that in a fun, loving way. Stand by each other through thick and thin. Make plans. Be secretive. You are cohorts in life.
9. A listener.
Such an important skill we could all work on. Active listening can be tough, but we have to learn to listen well when talking with our spouse. Whether they’re discussing fears or dreams, you must listen and remember. A poor listener is no fun to be around.
10. A caregiver.
You know what I’m talking about… the dreaded man-cold! In marriage, you must be a caregiver for your husband, through the possible broken bones and inevitable man-flus. Not to mention, as time goes on, you may have to care for him in his old age. Be that woman who he can depend on in sickness and in health.
If you truly respect your husband, cover up those hoobies. Stop wearing mini-skirts. I’m not saying you have to clothe yourself in robes, but think twice about what you wear. Respect yourself and your husband by dressing modestly.
Even though I’ve always been a responsible individual, once you bring in a second party, you have to up your game. They are relying on you in the same way you are relying on them. You have to think about how your actions will affect them.
This is an all-encompassing trait. Give your husband respect, even when you think he doesn’t deserve it, especially if you have children. He deserves your respect, just as you deserve his.
In just a year of living with Mike, the hurts have been many. We’ve both hurt one another, sometimes on purpose. We know which daggers cut the deepest. However, we both choose to forgive and do our best to forget because if we didn’t, our relationship would never survive. You must always forgive – 10, 15, 20 times a day, every day.
15. Financially responsible.
Now that you have a second person’s opinion involved in the finances, you must consider and value their opinions on your financial choices. Hopefully, you’ll combine incomes and be transparent with your money, but that still means you must make wise financial decisions. What you do impacts their financial well-being.
This goes without saying. The bond between husband and wife needs to be transparent and honest. You must be able to trust him and he must be able to trust you. If he hasn’t earned your trust, you shouldn’t have married him.
I don’t think this needs embellished. Patience is a virtue we all need more of.
Just as you want your husband to continue improving himself, you should always stay ambitious. Continue working towards your life goals and trying to improve yourself.
In all aspects of marriage, you must be selfless. You can never stop giving. That means continuing to forgive, putting your needs above his, and sharing all things. He should do the same for you. True love is selfless.
Sometimes, I get so caught up in being responsible I forget how to have fun. Always try to have fun with your husband. Marriage doesn’t make you old and boring. You do that. Keep having fun no matter what age you are.
21. A nurturer.
This may be stereotypical, but guys need to be nurtured. For some reason, women can pull it together when men can’t. As his wife, he will need your nurture and care when he becomes overwhelmed or hurt. Be that for him. Don’t be hateful and say, “I’m not your mother!” Just hold him, love him, and remind him he is safe and sound.
Marriage is not a reason to let yourself go. Continue to make yourself up, shave your legs, and dress well. Just as you’d want him to continue looking handsome, never stop making yourself beautiful for him.
It goes without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway. You must be compassionate to your husband. When things go wrong and he screws up or is struggling to feel needed (because he probably will), be compassionate towards him and remember that guys have feelings too.
Marriage is made of compromise. You have to be willing to give up things that matter to you in order for you spouse to be happy. It sucks sometimes, but you do it because you love them.
Being understanding with your spouse is the key to an amazing marriage. You must understand his needs, his feelings, his wants. That’s not to say that you have to give in 100% to those things, but you must understand what makes him tick. Plus, when things get hard, or something bad happens, you have to be understanding of the situation, rather than immediately placing blame or causing conflict. Be understanding and avoid so much hurt for both sides.
You may not agree with these things, but I believe that these are important pieces in a marriage. These 25 things mean so much in a relationship.